Fill up your heart, fill you your head.
For where your Treasure is, there your heart will be also.
(Matthew 6:21, Luke 12:34)
James 4 begins with a big question; it’s the very same question I’ve been dealing with for quite some time now.
“What is the source of the wars and fights among you? Don’t they come from the cravings (desires) of the war within you?” James 4:1
So naturally I had to ask that awful question, what is the root of the wars being fought within me? What are the problems that cause me personally, cause my soul, to shake and to wander from the Lord I love so much? What keeps me from being wholly his?
And I know that answer. I know that answer so well I could recite it in my sleep. It’s my big problem, its my vice, its my downfall. It’s the stone I trip over; I mean you get the picture. It’s my thing, and we all have one.
I seek, I crave for other peoples affections. And when I say “peoples”, truly I mean boys. Men. Boyfriends. Whatever. I find my worth in other people finding worth in me. It’s my war. Its my constant battle, it’s the dance I always get swept up in.
When I think of desires or cravings, the things that I spend my time thinking about, wanting, praying for even, those are my treasures.
I crave so greatly Joe Williams that I’ve put him on a little pedestal somewhere between meeting him and falling in love with him, he had become the object of my desire, my greatest treasure. I would put him in a box and keep him forever if I could. He is my treasure; he is where my heart is. (or rather was.)
And I realized on Sunday how unbelievable screwed up that was. I was placing my worth, my happiness in something I could easily (and did) lose. I was seeking for treasure that wasn’t mine, that wouldn’t stand firm. I was placing my worth on a foundation of jell-o, or sand as we’ve heard so many times, instead of the rock that is my salvation.
James 4:8 tells us, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.”
How could I possibly call myself a Christian when I was placing my heart, my thoughts, my treasure in someone other than Jesus? And second, how could I expect Jesus to catch me, come close to me, when I was only running further and further from his forever embrace into someone else’s temporary embrace?
These were my questions. This was the battle I was fighting last week and low and behold Jesus woke me up, breathed life into my lungs this last Sunday morning and ached for me to go and hear what He had to say. And we are reading about it right now.
Draw near to me, he whispered. I was so busy filling up my heart with other things, with other people, with temporary affections of those around me, that I was filling up my head with lies. Because placing my treasure in a box that is Joe Williams (or whoever, or whatever it may be for you) was only making me more empty, was only making me crave more, desire more, only to come up lifeless and unfilled every single time.
I was draining myself of all of His goodness to fill myself up with other peoples “goodness” or what I seemed to believe was goodness.
I realized my identity, my worth, does not come from what I give, or don’t give, what I get or don’t, or how successful I am blah blah, my worth comes from being Jesus’ beloved. I am His. And even though I’ve heard this a thousand and ten times I still continue(d) to place my treasure on broken ground, on shifting sand, only to watch it time and time again be pulled out to sea and be lost.
But when I place my worth, my treasure, my heart, in something ever lasting aka Jesus, I am placing my treasure and my heart someplace that isn’t here. I’m placing it there with Him in heaven.
James 5 briefly touches on this question, where do you place your treasure. James 5:3 “You stored up your treasure in the last days…”
I don’t want to just store my treasure up in the last days, I don’t want to place my treasure, or my heart, in things or in people who will continually leave me empty and begging for substance. I want to be forever full.
We all know, “men can not live on bread alone but by His words..” (Matt 4…)
We know or we wouldn’t be meeting week after week, we even have a desire to do so. We also crave this, and this is a good craving. I want to be thirsty for His words and my time with Him. And I am so thankful y’all are helping me with this.
So why am I telling you this? Why am I spilling out my guts onto page, basically telling you my biggest desire, my worst craving for worldly affections? Because He tells me to. James 5:16 says, “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another.” So I decided to. I decided to talk about one of the many wars going on throughout my head and my heart.
So I urge you to pour out your cravings, your desires. The things (or people, or whatever it may be) that hold your heart captive and keep you from drawing close to God.
Fill up your heart, fill you your head.
Meaning, fill up your heart with the good stuff, with His words, and His love, and His affections, and fill your head with his good stuff. What goes in the heart, flows directly to your head, your actions.
We are daughters of Christ; first and foremost, we are His Beloved. And He loves us because we are His. Not because of anything we’ll ever do or say, or not do. And He takes delight in us.
This is my first step in trying to draw closer, by accepting and confessing my desires and sharing them with y’all. I want to continually bathe in His words, and find my treasure, my heart, with him.